So… there comes a time in every household that includes a dog in its family where things get particularly hairy.

Actually, that times comes twice a year; which somehow doesn’t add anything to this rant.

It is that time of the year that I envision Oliver as this very dense, black, infinite re-spawning Dandelion of doom. He floats from room to room in a cloud of hair…

VUMPH!! is the sound I hear after he takes five steps… VUMPH!!! echos through the apartment… VUMPH!! and he expels every single bloody hair on his body and it settles softly around him… VUMPH!!! tiptiptiptiptip VUMPH!! tiptiptiptipgrumble… VUMPH!!! more hair settles in a blanket on the floor..

It is the time of the year that I like to affectionately call OHMAFUCKINGGAWDSMAKEITSTOPIAMSOSICKOFVACUUMINGALLTHETIME!

VUMPH!!!

It is the time of the year that the vacuum lives amongst us.

It is the time of the year that everyone coming through the apartment suggests we buy a Roomba.

VUMPH!!!!

It is the time of the year that I tell people “see that XL vacuum canister? That fills up with every vacuum we do every other day. A Roomba would cough and die during its first week!”

VUMPH!!!

It is that jolly time of the year that I wish we lived in a stable, or that the floor had a hydroponic system that just floods the floor, takes away all the hair and leaves all electrics and furniture intact..

VUMPH!!!

It is the time of the year that I actually sit down and make architectural plans that would accommodate said hydroponic scheme…

VUMPH!!!

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